The Guilt.

Is it just me who thinks that having a child seems to unlock a guilt section in your brain? I’m sure it’s just the weight of the responsibility that comes with offspring (although I try not to think about that too much, most of the time I feel like I’m just playing house), but it’s really hard isn’t it?

Little Knight had her first big accident the other week. She was playing in the park and tripped over her welly boot. Her face took the whole impact and I felt like I was going to vomit with guilt. My logical brain tells me that I couldn’t have done anything to stop her falling, it was just one of those things, but that does not stop The Guilt. I panicked and didn’t know what to do. I’m a mother now! I should know how to handle things like this! My husband was there so I was needlessly shouting at him too, which obviously made everything even more stressful.

The damage.

She on the other hand cried for about 10 minutes then forgot all about it. But every time I looked at her that day I felt sad and guilty. My poor baby’s beautiful face!

So, why is it that even though you know you shouldn’t feel guilty, you do? Children have accidents all the time, everybody knows that, but it didn’t comfort me.

I find The Guilt creeps in in ridiculous ways. If I feed Little Knight something quick and easy I feel guilty that she’s not having the best food. If I spend time in the kitchen cooking I feel guilty for not spending that time with her. Mr Knight and I have started the second baby chat but I feel guilty that Little Knight would have to share us. I also feel guilty that she is on her own with no siblings.

There are so many examples of this and I know I’m not alone. I have friends who feel guilty about going back to work and I have friends who feel guilty about staying at home. I have often looked forward to a night out for weeks, I start getting ready and I feel guilty for leaving her.

The pressure to be the best parent you can be is so huge that it’s difficult to accept we will all fall a bit short from time to time, we’re human! I suppose it’s a good thing in a way and shows how much we care but it really doesn’t feel very nice. I find it comforting to know I’m not alone in this however. We are all doing our best and unfortunately, it seems like we need to accept that The Guilt is just part of this crazy parenting lark.

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Just doing our best: Little Knight at 5 weeks old.

Please confirm that I am not alone in this and share your thoughts and experiences with others, we are all in this together!

Thanks for reading,

Knight Mummy x

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